PROGRESS: Day 2.7

As my second full week comes to an end, I really can’t complain about much of my physical side effects from treatment. Up to this point, it’s really only been heartburn that has been the biggest discomfort along with ] trouble sleeping. It’s really hard to tell what exactly is causing the trouble sleeping, because that could be the Zoladex (hormone therapy) or it could be the Taxol or Herceptin. Hopefully it’s the Zoladex, because I will stop taking that once the Taxol is done in 10 more weeks.

Next Big Hurdle: Hair Loss

Hair loss is the next big physical (and emotional) side effect that is coming up. I’ve been doing the scalp cooling, so I’m theoretically not supposed to lose all of my hair, only a percentage. I was browsing the scalp cooling Facebook group and I saw a woman’s post complaining about people trying to reassure her – “It’s only hair. It’ll grow back.” I can understand her feelings. Thankfully, I haven’t had anyone say this to me (or not that I can remember), so it isn’t something that has particularly bothered me. However, I think the only thing you can say to someone who is facing potentially or definitely losing their hair is to be understanding and acknowledge their concern and feelings. While going bald can be similar, losing your hair because of a medical treatment is a little more immediately shocking. First, you lose it rapidly, not gradually. Second, it also serves as a reminder of what you are going through and why you are going through it.

I remember before my treatment started, I didn’t know if I was going to do the scalp cooling, but I also didn’t know if it was going to work for me. I cut my hair short to make it more manageable, but also to get used to a lot less hair in case I did lose it. People who have gone through this (without scalp cooling) told me that your hair falls out in fairly massive swaths. It’s not like you consistently and gradually shed hair all over your head. The thought of that was disturbing. Actually being bald isn’t so scary, it’s the sensation of running your hands through your hair and seeing and feeling large chunks of it pull away from your head. It makes you feel like there is something wrong – wrong with you and your body. I had a nightmare about that exact thing last night. Pulling my hand away from my head and looking down to see hundreds or thousands of strands of hair in my grasp. And today or tomorrow or the next is precisely when I would expect that to happen without the scalp cooling. I’m hoping and praying that it works for me and that my hair loss is, at a minimum, more gradual. I hope that I will not have to watch chunks of my hair fall away. Only time will tell!

Staying Active

My primary focuses while going through treatment, aside from just getting through the treatments themselves, are staying active and spending time with my family – especially Maddie. Those things seem like the best things to focus on mostly because they will keep me motivated and as healthy as possible. I’ve been fortunate that my side effects are not that bad, so it hasn’t been a significant challenge to stay active. I’m trying to take advantage of these good days by getting in my rides and recommitting to weight training. Weight training is something that I used to do religiously when I was in high school and college, but haven’t been able to maintain. I know that I should do it, because it’s critical to build muscle now when it is easier. Essentially, if you can build up your bones and your muscles in your 20s, 30s and 40s when it’s easier to build, you will start from a higher point to lose as you get older. It is inevitable to lose bone and muscle as you age, but the higher your starting point, the higher absolute amount you are able to keep. It’s never too late to build muscle though, it’s just a lot easier to do younger. Why not make it easier on yourself? I obviously need to take my own advice! During this second week of treatment, I was able to get in two weight training sessions. I might write more extensively about my whole fitness plan while I go through treatment if only to force some accountability because I’ve told people my plan!

Tomorrow is Treatment #3 – fingers crossed, prayers and good vibes that it is as uneventful as the last two!